Harry Potter and the Crazy People at the Scottish Castle
by quietjisoo
Summary: All was well in the simple life of Harry James Potter. One day, a big, scary old GIANT kidnaps him and transports him to an isolated castle in a DIFFERENT COUNTRY! And what's with this magic joke that all the other kidnapped kids keep repeating? An inside joke? Harry is scared. Harry is very, very, scared.
1. Chapter 1

Bang!

Someone was at the door. Rather, a giant was at the door. Harry would have screamed at the top of his lungs a girlish scream if Dudley hadn't beaten him to it.

"Go away, you shameless hooligan!" Vernon screamed at the top of his lungs, Petunia hiding behind him.

"I am here to get one Harry Potter, you muggle git. Now, where is he?" The giant bellowed. It made the hair on Harry's neck stand straighter. That intimidating man…was looking for him? Suddenly, Harry understood.

"P-Please don't make me go! Please!" Harry yelled at his aunt and uncle. Startled, they turned to face Harry.

"What are you on about, boy? We are trying to teach this hooligan a lesson!" Vernon told Harry. That didn't stop Harry's eyes from widening and he crawled closer towards Vernon.

"Look, I know you don't like me, b-but… please don't make me go away with that man! I'll clean, and scrub, and do whatever you want! I'm too young to die!" Harry begged them, whispering the last bit so that he might not die a scrawny eleven-year-old. Vernon's brows furrowed. But before he could question what the boy was on about, the giant decided to talk.

"Aw, you don't have to be so polite to those FILTHY MUGGLES, Harry. You're the BOY-WHO-LIVED, after all!" Hagrid said, bringing his giant paw down on the poor boy. That didn't stop Harry's fear from growing. F-Filthy…? Wuggle? Harry gasped. Was this man some sort of racist?

"Is that some fancy slang or something, mister? I-I-I'm surly, I-I mean sorry, I don't go out much…" Suddenly, Harry realized something. In his fear, he overlooked how this man seemed to know his name. How? Why? The mere thought made Harry's heart very uneasy.

"That's quite alright, lad. See-"Hagrid started.

"I'll take it from here, if you don't mind, giant." Petunia said with an air of confidence. Although Harry could see her hand behind her back trembling fiercely.

"You see, boy, my sister was a wizard. We never really got along, see, after mum and dad started gushing over every little thing she did. I was the older one, and yet they'd always shower Lily with all the attention. So she went to her wizard school, leaving the family behind for most of her teenage years. Then one day, she tells me she's getting married to some wizard guy, carrying you in her tummy. Naturally, I was skeptical, but I couldn't tell her otherwise. She was so unbelievably stubborn, that girl. And not even a year later, I get you on my doorstep, in the freezing November weather and a note explaining that she'd been killed by some Death Fly guy. To this day, I don't know if it was a joke or real, honestly."

Suddenly, Hagrid pointed an umbrella at Petunias throat. "DON'T YOU SAY ANYTHING ABOUT LILY POTTER; SHE WAS THE BEST WITCH OF HER AGE AND TWICE THE PERSON YOU'LL EVER BE!" Hagrid SCREAMED at Petunia, making her faint. Harry was scared.

Vernon, knowing this guy obviously likes Lily, decided to mend things. He also began fearing for his life. "Now, now, we don't have to scream at each other. I know, why don't we get back on track again, hmm? Why are you here, giant?"

"To get one Harry James Potter ready for school! Why, it already starts tomorrow! We need to get a move on if we want to get past morning traffic in Diagon Alley, lad."

Vernon was severely confused. "B-But dear old chap, what is this school you're referring to? No, we've already enrolled the boy in the finest school in the area."

The anger started to roll off Hagrid in waves. "WHAT? HARRY JAMES POTTER IS THE BOY-WHO-LIVED! HE OBVIOUSLY NEEDS TO GO TO HOGWARTS; THE FINEST SCHOOL FOR WICHES AND WIZARDS! ARE YOU INSANE, LAD?!" Hagrid SCREAMED at Vernon; his intimidating physique taking away any courage left in Vernon's heart. Vernon turned to Harry.

"I will find a way to get you out of this mess, boy, if it's the last thing I do! No longer will this family be disturbed and pushed around by wizards, that I promise you!" Vernon whispered into Harry's ear. Harry started to struggle.

"Oh, how precious. Oh, got a lot of fight in you huh?" Hagrid commented as Harry wrestled in his arms.

"Gonna need that fighting spirit for when you take down Voldemort, eh, laddie- Oops." Hagrid dropped the boy as he'd stopped wrestling. He'd gone completely still.

"H-Huh…?"

"…hehe…well, cat's out of the bag, innit, lad. Well now you know. The entirety of Wizarding Britain as well as THE ENTIRE WORLD is countin' on yeh. Good luck!"

And Harry threw up.


	2. Chapter 2

"Here we are! The Leaky Cauldron!" The giant man said enthusiastically, pointing at a run-down shack. Harry looked at the building, before looking at the man again, before finally shooting the giant a confused look. But, as always, the giant didn't notice, and kept going.

"Harry, I'd reckon you'd grow to really love this place, 'innit! Why, it's me favorite pub in the whole entire world!" Harry froze.

A… A PUB?! Did this mean that... that the giant was going to drug him?! Harry's breathing quickened. He had to get out of here!

What was the man's name again? Hansel? Humphrey? Harris?

"U-U-Um, M-Mr. Giant sir, I don't really think this is a good idea…!" That was all that Harry was able to get out of his mouth, a strange sense of panic seemingly paralyzing him bit by bit...

Hagrid paid no mind to Harry's words. If anything, he tightened his hold on Harry's shirt, re-adjusted his grip on the (unwilling) boy in his arms and kept moving. "What are you saying, lad. Why, this is the finest pub I've ever seen! Isn't she a beaut?" Hagrid said, while turning the doorknob. Hagrid went inside.

Harry started to hyperventilate. No...! If they went any further, it was all over! He needed to do something. Something that made it impossible for that horrible man to get away with kidnapping him. He started to thrash violently in Hagrid's arms.

Hagrid didn't care.

"Why, Isn't that… Harry Potter?"

"It is, isn't it?"

"Our savior, Harry Potter has come!"

Wait, there are other people here! Harry's eyes widened. But of course! They'd understand what this man was doing, and stop him! Harry felt himself smirk just a bit. To help them understand, he thrashed even more violently in Hagrid's grasp. Meanwhile, people started to gather around Harry and Hagrid.

"Such a well-behaved little boy!"

"He's an inspiration to all boys worldwide!"

"I wish my little boy was as energetic. How cute!"

…?

"ARE YOU BLIND?!" Harry SCREAMED out in SHEER FRUSTRATION! He was about to GET KIDNAPPED! What were they THINKING?!

An uncomfortable silence swept the room.

"…I was diagnosed just yesterday…! How did you KNOW?!" An impressed lady screamed. People started to chatter once more.

"So observant, that boy!"

"With his talent, he'll have Voldemort killed within a week, I'm sure!"

"I always knew he was special before he was even born!" An old man said proudly. People nodded.

Meanwhile, Hagrid stopped at a brick wall. Suddenly, they were in the middle of a busy street.

"Welcome to Diagon Alley, Harry!" The man bellowed.

Harry sighed.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3 - Planning Ahead

"'Ey, Harry, I'm gonna go get a little drink or two, you go find yer books 'n stuff, alright? Alright", The man said, already ordering his drinks. He wasn't even looking at Harry.

Huh? Harry couldn't believe it. Just like that. He's… He's free?

"But won't I get lost tho- ", Harry felt himself say, faster than he could stop himself.

"No, no, no, lad. You've got to believe in yourself! It's the most important thing in life, 'innit. Don't worry though, because I… *hic* I, I believe in you, lad." He said, downing another glass.

"You don't even know me! And I've never been here before; how do you expect me to be able to navigate through this place?!" Harry shouted at him.

"Believe in the navigator of your heart…"

'AS IF!'

Harry felt his eye twitch. What kind of kidnapper lets his victim roam the streets? Was this man stupid? Harry was bound to get lost; he'd just barely gotten here!

'Wait a minute', Harry stopped himself. 'This is great! That just means I'll be able to escape after all!' Harry felt himself grin.

'But wait, this man _is_ a kidnapper. He's probably trying to lull me into a false sense of security… I mean, there's no person on earth that's that bad at their job…'

"Would you like your 6th glass of beer?" The bartender asked.

"Yes please!" Hagrid said, swaying a bit.

"Oh, where are me money? I could've sworn..." The giant said, turning out his pockets to find some spare change.

…?...?

In a way that's only describable as being held at gunpoint only to find out that the gun was made out of candy the entire time, Harry was feeling profoundly stupid for believing the giant could ever pose a threat to him. If this were a movie, he'd be henchman number 1. Muscle brained, dispensable, and of no worth to the plot at all. THIS was the man he'd spent almost the whole day being scared of?

What a joke. Sighing, Harry went out of the door, and into a busy street.

'Okay', he thought. 'What's next?'

Harry thought about leaving through that brick wall, but not when his attacker was so close. Harry sighed, trudging down the street. It was frustrating, but he had to find another way home.

"OH MY! hArRY POTTER?! YOINK!"

Suddenly, Harry felt himself getting pulled swiftly to the left. Before he could shout however, he noticed he was inside a shop filled with clothes. A weird old lady looked at him with a slightly crazed look.

"You are Harry Potter, yes? A boy full of money? Please try anything in the store." She was short, and was rubbing her hands nonstop.

"But I don't have any money on me.", Harry said. He was getting fed up with the weirdoes in this neighborhood…

"Don't worry sonny, ANYTHING you buy is FREEEE~!" The lady screeched excitedly. Harry's ears hurt.

"Get into that changing room, I've already put a few robes in there. Then afterwards, when people see HARRY POTTER wearing MY COLLECTION, I'll practically swim in MONEY!" The lady screamed before running outside with a megaphone.

"Wait, weird lady - argh, screw it. No one ever listens anyway." Harry said, feeling angry.

"Hear ye, hear ye. Our savior, Harry Potter, loves to wear my summer robe collection! Why, just before, he said that it was the most comfortable clothes he'd ever worn! Now, give me all of your glorious mONEY!"

A large crowd gathered around her.

"Well then I suppose I've got to buy it!"

"If Harry Potter says so, then of course!"

"One must be comfortable when fighting He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, after all! Anything else would be stupid!" And so, people started to swarm the store, buying all they could get their hands on. Harry looked on with disbelief.

What was up with this freak village out of nowhere?! He couldn't wait to go home, and…huh. When he thought about it, home sucked too. Actually, on some points, it was actually worse…

Harry sighed deeply.

"Hello, fellow pureblood comrade."

? Who was that?

"Um, excuse me. Who are you?"

"I am Draco Malfoy, son of Lucius Malfoy, a member of one of the Sacred Twenty-Eight families. Who might you be? A fellow blood-supremacist, I hope? Otherwise, I'm afraid I've wasted my breath speaking to an UNWORTHY and FILTHY PERSON!"

'…What?'

Harry felt extreme shock, being exposed to such extreme racism. Harry felt slightly sick being in the presence of someone so warped.

'…Wait! If this boy feels comfortable being so openly racist, maybe this was how everyone in the street felt?'

Harry gulped. 'I'm trapped in a den of racists!'

Harry felt the familiar feeling of anxiety creeping onto him.

'…What should I do?'


End file.
